Don’t F*ck with Peppermint Patty!

February 22nd, 2011

“I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to f*ckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?” ~ Tommy DeVito GOODFELLAS

A while back I wrote this post called  Joe Pesci is my third cousin, you gotta F*%#!n’ problem with that? A fun one to write, and it’s true. Although Joe and I have not met, my grandmother used to love saying that we were related to the famous actor — I think it gave Nan a little thrill, a tiny “taste” of celebrity.

(ITALIAN LESSON = to enjoy oneself, have fun, amuse = divertirsi ~ laugh = risata)

Mr. Pesci and I do certainly have a few things in common, like love and loyalty to our family, a good sense of humor, and a hot head. Don’t mess with our friends and family or ever disrespect us in front of our peers. You saw what happened to the other guinea who told cuz to get his shine box! Yes, I know it’s called acting and that was the character he was playing (I’m not THAT crazy), but it’s the Pesci we love seeing on screen. Just like Danny Aiello ranting and raving in his films — I can relate!

After getting sucked in for the thousandth time watching GOODFELLAS this past Saturday, (it’s one of those movies that whenever it’s on I just HAVE to watch it – and I own a copy!) So, I was googling the “how am I funny” scene and discovered this clip below.

So, enjoy – hope it makes YOU laugh!

Do I amuse you? Head back to the home of MADNESS here  www.madnessmomandme.com

Posted in Goodfellas, Joe Pesce, Joe Pesci, Joe Pesci Goodfellas, madness mom & me, Peanuts, Peanuts funny, peppermint patty, You think I'm funny scene | 4 Comments »

Being Italiano

February 11th, 2011

“It’s a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.” ~ Clemenze (Richard Castellano), The Godfather

Being Italiano

A friend of mine sent me one of those “you know you’re Italian when” emails the other day, so I used a few from that list and added some of my own.  Guess you could say I was entertaining myself.  Here they are:

* Your household  “conversations” hit decibel levels over in the high 90s (the Romano family was highly skilled)
* You swear very well - F*ckin A Right!
* At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner, or holds political office – hmm…does a wino count?
* You thought seriously about becoming either a nun or a priest – Yes, I loved Sister Bertrille!

The Flying Nun
* You have no idea how to make a long story short - fuhgettaboutit!
* Many of your childhood meals were homemade pasta with homemade sauce - store bought was a mortal sin
* It’s “sauce”(period) . Gravy is the brown stuff – for TURKEY!
* You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer or feeling very guilty, thank you Catholicism
* You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking

(ITALIAN LESSON: Oh, you are such a lovely, crazy woman! = Oh, sei una donna così adorabile, fantastica!)

* ‘Italian Leftovers’ is a euphemism for ‘spaghetti and meatballs.’ Mangia!!!
* You have Italian Alzheimer’s, you forget everything but the grudges  - can we say STUBBORN ITALIAN
* Childhood remedies for the common cold often included some form of warmed spiced vino or boiled potatoes a la grandmama
* There’s no leaving a family party without saying goodbye, kissing and hugging everyone for at least 45 minutes and those long & rough cheek pinches – ouch!
* At this very moment, you have at least two relatives who are not speaking to each other or may have had a fist fight

*You may have recently beaten up your laptop — oh wait, that was me! (see previous post) and head back to the home of madness here:  www.Madnessmomandme.com

Posted in Being Italian, Italians, Loud Italians, madness mom & me, Politically Incorrect | 8 Comments »

A Winter Poem

February 4th, 2011

I get this poem every winter & every winter I love reading it.

It’s a beautiful poem and very well written.

I thought it might be a comfort to you, as it was to me.

A Winter Poem

Shit!

It’s Cold

The End.

~ ~ ~

(ITALIAN LESSON: cold = freddo)

Colder than a $#*(&@!? Head back to the warmth (& crazy) of Madness @ www.MadnessMomandMe.com

Posted in madness mom & me, winter | 4 Comments »

Shaken Laptop Syndrome

January 29th, 2011

“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” ~ Will Rogers

I’ll admit that quite a few things in life piss me off (rudeness to waitstaff, bad drivers, close-minded nitwits and racists) and sometimes my rage seems a bit over-the-top based on the situation at hand.  I attribute my short fuse to my Sicilian heritage — perhaps it’s the Napoledon in me, or maybe the combination of these two fiery ancestral lines fuel my spicy Italian temper.

This past week, my neurons went neurotic, my synapses snapped, my circuits became a circus.  I think this frenzy was mainly from staying so damn busy, I’ve not given myself a true grieving period for mom, and my stress level has  been running in the red for a few weeks now.  I’m angry that I cannot pick up the phone to call ma to chit chat or bullsh!t like only we could.  I’m angry because I want to ask her a question about my childhood, a family recipe, life in the fifties, dish about the latest scandal in the news, or tell her a funny joke I recently heard.  I’m angry when that bitter sting of reality SMACKS me, reminding me that those days are gone forever.

One angry redhead

So what did I do with all this fire? All I can say is that I’m glad I cannot be arrested for SHAKEN LAPTOP SYNDROME, because that’s exactly what I took by rage out on.  Yes, my beautiful brand new laptop is royally screwed, and yes, I am the f’in idiot who screwed it!  (A temper tantrum! um…how old am I?) Great, I’m at the top of my own SH!T LIST!

Punch that laptop!

Side Note: Blessed computer gurus are going to try to put Humpty back together again, so I think I’d better turn my statue of Bill Gates upside down for luck.

Wanna hear something even more bizarre? This is not a unique occurrence! While searching the web for a photo to use for this post, I came across several forums with many other crazy people (like me) asking the question “what happens when I punch my laptop?”, or “I just fisted the crap out of my keyboard, will my computer ever work again?” WOW.

(Angry Italian Lesson:  You can all go f!ck yourselves = Andate tutti a vaffanculo!)

Happy this disturbing week has come to a close, I’m slowly forgiving myself for my psycho behavior, taking some time to reflect and figure out alternate ways to vent without destroying my favorite inanimate objects.

Which leads me to ask — what was YOUR craziest moment of rage? (or feel free to share a few things that piss YOU off).


Take a deep breath, say OMMMMMMMMMMMM and head to the home page here:  www.MadnessMomandMe.com


Posted in anger, dealing with anger, death of a mom, madness mom & me, Rage & Anger, sadness | 5 Comments »

Are you a Blogstress?

January 17th, 2011
 
The Blogstress Network, Women helping Women  ~ by  BARBARA HAMMOND
 
I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you about a new venture and why I think it will be great for all of us.  I hope you, my friends, have at least taken a look at The Blogstress Network website and our  Facebook page.  I’ve seen comments from, “I can’t wait to see what the three of you come up with!”  to, “What exactly is this about?” So here goes… 
 
I did some blog research recently, and one of the most surprising statistics for me was that men write 70% of them.   What’s wrong with this statistic you ask? To quote Susan Sarandon, whom I adore, “The World would be different if any woman were in charge.”
 
Now don’t get me wrong, I adore men.  I read several blogs written by men, not to mention articles online and in the newspapers.  That said I have to agree with Ms. Sarandon.  Women view the world much differently for some obvious reasons and some not so obvious.
 
 
I think you’ll find more memoir and lifestyle blogs written by women, and more how-to and opinion blogs written by men.  Clearly there is more than enough room in the blogosphere for all subject matter.  But, I think we need more women bloggers.  We need more sharing of experiences and story telling.  

Which brings me back to The Blogstress Network.  This all came about because three women bloggers, who actually knew each other for quite some time, met at a party last year and discovered they all had blogs.  Let’s face it, the technical side of blogging has its own language, and how many times can you mention at a cocktail party how frustrating it is that you aren’t getting the SEO you’d like, and have someone stare at you like a deer in headlights?  If you don’t have a blog you probably have no idea what that means. 

So to our shock and delight we started chatting away about all things blog.  At the end of the evening we decided we should get together and see how we could help each other grow our blogs.  Since then we’ve met at least once a month for coffee or cocktails.  Over many months we realized how our small group had enhanced our individual blogs enormously.  Out of that grew the idea of a network that could help other women bloggers around the world.   Encourage them to find their own blogging buddies to physically meet with.  

I have to mention that our blogs are all quite different.  Doreen Naughton Creede, The Style Maniac, blogs about all things chic and beautiful that can enhance your lifestyle.  Lee Romano Sequiera, Madness Mom and Me, blogs about growing up in her wacky New Jersey Italian family, in a most irreverent and hilarious way.  And mine,  Zero to 60 and beyond  is primarily a memoir with some opinions and creativity thrown in for good measure.

I have found myself encouraging almost every woman I meet to start a blog.  I honestly believe we all have stories to tell and even if we think they’re insignificant they may very well help others.   Why would you encourage competition, you ask?  It’s not competition.  It is very much like Sarah’s Circle.  The broader our community, the more we all benefit.  So whether you have a blog or not, I do hope you will join us in our quest to have Blogstresses all around the globe.  Women sharing their ideas and advice through our  network, facebook and twitter.

Do you have a blog?  Do you know anyone in your community who does?  I hope you’ll start one if you haven’t already, and you will search for other bloggers in your area to support our communal efforts.  We will be here to help!  That is what The Blogstress Network is all about, helping each other in any and all ways.  To that end I will also ask you to tell us what you would like to see coming from this amazing new network… Sound Off Sisters!

Thanks again to fellow blogstress Barbara Hammond for this guest post. 

Blogstress or not, head back to Madness here: www.MadnessMomandMe.com

Posted in blogstress, madness mom & me, the blogstress network, the style maniac, women bloggers, zero to sixty | 3 Comments »

The Good Ol’ Inappropriate Days

January 13th, 2011

“Being politically correct means always having to say you’re sorry.” ~ Charles Osgood

A Facebook friend of mine recently shared these Pillsbury’s “Funny Face” drink packet photos from the seventies (thanks Kenneth!).  Seeing these loveable images brought me back to a time where we didn’t worry so much about being politically correct.

 Chinese Cherry & Injun Orange

No offense to the Chinese or the Native Americans – oops! there I go, trying to be PC - but I think these little guys have a certain innocence and charm about them.  We knew they were a joke, and I happen to like people who can take a joke.

Hey, I’ve been called a “spaghetti-bender” in my day, and some kids in my (Catholic) elementary school called the Italian kids WOPS or guineas – and you know what? Sticks and stones, baby! I’d yell proudly, “NA NA NA NA NA , you’re just  jealous because you’re NOT Italian!”

TOPPS Wacky Packs, a series of trading cards and stickers featuring consumer product parodies, were another fun little treasure we had in the seventies, with slogans like: Fillsbury Fatina, Brandy Land, Swiss Mess, Cram, Slaytex, Scary Jane, Stove Glop, Coffin Mate – the sweet, yet irreverent list goes on and on.

 BrandyLand Wacky Pack    Wacky Packs  

(ITALIAN LESSON:  Inappropriate= non appropriato)

I’d be remiss if I didn’t pay homage to my beloved Garbage Pail Kids, with adorable homely hoodlums like these:

   Garbage Pail Kid Harry    Garbage Pail Kid Amy

We’d rummage through each new pack (purchased with our carefully saved pennies) just to see who would get stuck with the most hideous image. Funny… while these images seem so ”wrong” now,  as a society, we’ve certainly more than tipped the rudeness scale (just take a  look around).  To me, it seems like so many have misplaced their funny bone, if not outright lost it.

Lighten the F up, LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW and head back home here: www.MadnessMomandMe.com

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Posted in Crazy NJ family, Fun insane family, madness mom & me, politically correct, Politically Incorrect | 7 Comments »

Kicked out of Portugal

January 2nd, 2011

“You know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money?” ~ Sixteen Candles

Kicked out of the country!

I still have a spaghetti bowl full of funny stories about my lovable, yet slightly nutty Italian family to share, but my mind is still reeling from losing mom on Thanksgiving, so I’ll write about my own share of crazy today. Side note: Mom used to hate when people would say they “lost” a loved one.  She’d say “you didn’t LOSE them or misplace them – they are dead!”  Mom, I can hear your voice saying that in your usual humorous way!

Yes, I’ve pulled the occasional New Jersey Housewives stunt – I once knocked over an outdoor table at a  DC cafe (they had it coming!) –  and I cornered an obnoxious driver against her car door when I was in my twenties (thankfully YouTube wasn’t around back then).  So I guess you could say I have a little bitty hot temper.  In my carnival-of-a-warped mind, I actually find my spicy little temper kind of amusing, maybe even charming.  Funny, my husband looked over my shoulder to see what I was writing and said it’s simple –  I’m just a bit deranged.  See? Even he thinks it’s charming!

I may not always be 100% in the right, but here’s one time I was, yet I was kicked out of a country!  Here’s what happened:  Hubby and I were enjoying our farewell honeymoon lunch near the Atlantic Ocean in beautiful Albufeira, Portugal.  We were set to drive the coast that afternoon, making our way to Spain through the scenic towns and communities of the Costa del Sol for part dois of our trip.  We only had so many escudos left (this was pre-euro) so we were careful when we ordered from the menu, as to be sure we’d have enough cash for our tab and tip.  

Got Escudos?

Soon after we ordered our panini-style sandwiches and a glass of wine, the waiter arrived with a nice size basket of french fries.  We saw something about fries on the chalkboard (which was in Portuguese) so we assumed they were an accompaniment to the paninis. You can see where this is going, right?  After lunch, our tab (with the fries unexpectedly added) arrived, and it was more escudos than we had, so we told the waiter we did not order the fries – we just figured they came with our lunch. “Not so! It was my mistake, but YOU ate them, so you have to pay for them!”, he demanded.  We yelled back, gave him what was left of our cash, which covered about 80% of the tab, but he was pissed.  Naturally, I cursed him in Italian, and he comically pointed his finger toward the street and told me to get out of “his” Portugal and never return again!

I think hubby and I laughed all the way to Spain!

(ITALIAN LESSON: Get the hell out = andarsene di corsa)

Maledizione (damn!) head to the MADNESS home here: www.MadnessMomandMe.com

 

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Posted in Crazy NJ family, funny family stories, funny honeymoon, kicked out of country, madness mom & me, portugal | 2 Comments »

Love Rituals

December 22nd, 2010

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.” ~  Morrie Schwartz

Well over a decade ago I began a new ritual or “habit” with my mom, dad and relatives, and I’m so grateful I did.  This was a positive ritual, not like smoking crack, shooting squirrels with a bb gun, or drinking before noon.  Our little ritual was something which only took a second or two, and it costs nothing.  Bet you can guess what it is.  You may even partake with your own family and friends — it’s the simple act of saying “I Love You” before hanging up the phone, or telling each other “I Love You” while hugging goodbye in person.

(ITALIAN LESSON: I love you very much =   ti voglio bene)

Say I Love You Today

Try saying I LOVE YOU to your family next time you say goodbye.  It may feel a bit foreign to you at first, but it will become second nature very quickly.  One day, I know you’ll look back and be so appreciative you took this advice. 

Your welcome,

 ~ Me

 

Posted in Love, madness mom & me, Saying I Love You | 7 Comments »

One more day (a dream gift)

December 9th, 2010
~ A very special post by my brother, Jesse Romano ~
 
 Goodbye Mom
                            ~ Jesse & Mom ~
After my dad died, I prayed to God many times to let me see my father one last time.  Last night God gave me both of my parents in a dream.  “Wow, I never dream,” I thought to myself.  In this dream, I’m in my kitchen, and all of a sudden I hear voices — voices I heard once before when everything was perfect.  I hear, “Son, come here, it’s your father.” 
I walk down the hall slowly in disbelief.  My father was sitting on the couch smiling at me, so I then begin to run to him as if I were Lausanne Bolt! Dad gave me a big hug, and tapped my face lightly saying, “hey paisan!”.  I smiled at him, and he said “I have a surprise for you…come here, hon”, and as I turned to look, I saw my mother! I went over to her, squeezed her tightly and I gave her a kiss.  At this point I was confused, so I asked, “How could this be?” My father and mother said “God is giving you one day with us.” 
 
My prayers were finally answered! I then proceeded to hug both of them at the same time.  I asked my mother what happened (with her death) she told me she was tired of worrying, and she missed my dad.  I told her about my pain, and my sister Lee’s pain, and how her grandkids are a mess without her.  She said, “I know, but I knew you guys would be OK.   You have each other — you have your sister, your kids and Tiffany.”
 
I spent most of the time hugging them, holding them tight, never to let go again.  My dad and I also went crabbing that day, then I helped put the mozzarella on mom’s lasagna — everything was just like old times.  I was so happy, but as the night grew to a close, I knew that my time to tell them goodbye was drawing near.  It was one more time for my parents to be close to me.  They told me not to worry and not to be sad, everything would be just fine. My mom told me that my daughter Nayonni needs me to be strong, and they need me to be strong.  They told me they know this is hard, but they’ll always be in our hearts and souls.  They said “goodbye son, we will always watch over you and the family”.
When I woke up, I looked over and saw my little girl in my bed, so I put my arm around her, gave her a kiss and said “I love you.” 
 
Thank you God, was the only other thing I could say.
 

Posted in dream, grieving, heartbreak, loss, madness mom & me, mourning | 8 Comments »

Mourning Mom: this can’t be real

December 8th, 2010

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

Not to sound cliché, but this is by far the hardest, most heart-wrenching post I have written so far.  Honestly, if anything else in the next decade comes anywhere near this, immediately find me a stiff new straitjacket, so I can throw myself into a padded room — forever.

Ok, here comes the hard part, words I thought I would not have to write about for at least another decade:  Mom is gone.  My wonderful witty mom passed away in her sleep Thanksgiving morning.  No warning, no illness, no clues, no nothing, no mom. Mom is gone. Mom is gone. I have to repeat myself over and over, because I just cannot believe it’s real. I’m hoping my next post is about the coma I’ve been in for the past week or so — I’ll write about how when I awoke, mom was there with one of her famous QVC jewelry trinkets for me to open, and a pot of her famous spaghetti sauce bubbling away on the stove, so we could all get home and enjoy a  nice Italian dinner in celebration of my new coma-free existence.

Yes, mom is gone.  My house is filled with condolence cards, flowers and such very touching notes from caring family and friends, but somehow it doesn’t seem real. It CAN’T be real.  Mom was SO ALIVE, so funny, always ready with a wise-crack, or words of wisdom.  I loved her advice. She was one of my best friends in the whole world. I see the cards with her photo and a pretty poem, yet I’ll still dial her phone number and expect her to pick up.  I’ll want to call her about who was just told to f*ck off on Hell’s Kitchen, or who we think should have gotten fired on The Apprentice, or the new boots I bought, but then the cold harsh smack of reality hits me right in the face, telling me those days are over.

Mom & I would dish together, watch movies together, shop together, cook dinners (for my hubby and the furkids) together and every so often I’d mix up a couple of whiskey sours and mom would share her humorous and wonderful stories which fill a small notebook of mine.

Loss of any kind is a real tough pill to swallow,  and when you lose a mom and a best friend, you feel like your heart is literally ripping apart. With that said, I think I’ll mix up two whiskey sours, leaving one on the coffee table in mom’s honor.   I just hope I don’t water them down with all of my tears.

Mom, you will be missed

Love you & miss you forever Mom

xo Your daughter

Please head home to the madness home page here: www.MadnessMomandMe.com

Posted in Death, death of a mom, death of a parent, grieving, heartbreak, madness mom & me, mom & me, mom and best friend, mom and me, mourning, sadness, time passing | 15 Comments »

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