Enjoy this comedy break with pisano Dom Irrera – a South Philly guy!
(ITALIAN LESSON: Comedian = commico)
(BONUS LESSON: Pisano, or pisan = slang for full-blooded Italian. Real meaning: from Pisa)
FUHGETTABOUTIT! Head back home here: www.madnessmomandme.com
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“Like everybody else, when I don’t know what else to do, I seem to go in for catching colds.” ~ George Jean Nathan
Catching a cold is the body’s way of telling you to take it slow and chill out for a few days, because it’s ALL about them. Colds remind me of spoiled rotten brats, and they like to show up with their entire entourage: body aches, snotty noses, fever, chills and chest congestion — sometimes the whole damn brat-pack pays you a visit.
(ITALIAN LESSON – Fever = febbre)
Now my Sicilian grandmother (Nonna in Italian) often covered me from head-to-toe with raw pototoes (an “old world cure”), but in our household Vicks Vaporub was the ticket. “Noooooooooooooooo, not the VICKS, dad!” I’d shout out when Dad came to my room with that funky little blue jar in hand, ready to rub its pungent menthol-scented goop onto my chest as he tucked me in for the night. Now that part I loved, but what came next was the WORST! Dad would take an extra dollop of Vicks goop, smear his finger in it and rub it SMACK DAB under my nose! It was like the “Dirty Sanchez” of cold and flu season!
How I wish dad were here to give me his infamous “Vicks Vapo Smear” these days, but whenever I’m down and out with a bad cold (like last week) I consider it a gift to give myself a good ol’ smear, as it offers up some of my fondest memories shared with my dad.
I love you Dad, and I miss you beyond words.
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“I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.” ~ Joan Rivers.
As a kid, one of my favorite days to head to church with Mom & Dad was Palm Sunday. Normally, my favorite treat was the communion wafer (one was ok, but they really should have passed a bowl around – like a bucket of popcorn. And I know that would’ve been a hit with the “audience” because I always heard growling tummies, sometimes over the rumble of snores).
Palm Sunday was SOUVENIR DAY!!!
All parishoners were lucky enough to go home with a door prize of fresh palms! And I loved those palms — sometimes I’d grab a couple of extra fronds on the way out for my “sick” sister at home (yeah, the one I didn’t have). Ok, call me greedy, but this technique I learned from my Dad, who would always tuck an extra Italian roll or Granny Smith in his pocket at the breakfast buffet (the scrambled would’ve been a bit too messy).
(ITALIAN LESSON: Sunday = Domenica)
P.S. One of my least favorite church days: Ash Wednesday (you can read that post here: http://www.madnessmomandme.com/2010/02/sadistic-priest-burns-little-girl-with-cigar/ )
Be a good parishoner and head home here: www.MadnessMomandMe.com & Get your own mental trinket by signing up for the MADNESS FEED: http://madnessmomandme.com/feed
“You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.” ~ Yogi Berra
Mom and I were just on the phone discussing her health secrets. Great info for a daughter to have, right? I mean, this woman has not been to visit a doctor in decades! No sh!t! Mom’s last OB/GYN visit: when she had me back in the sixties. Mammogram? Squishing Mom’s “freckles”? Hell, no – not for mom, I think she has an allergy to white coats and titty vices.
Give us our daily Pizza
WAIT NO MORE! Here are Mamma Romano’s Health Secrets:
Now, Mom WAS in the hospital once, but it was just a cameo appearance when she was hit by a truck, but I’ll save that story for another day.
Drink a whiskey drink and head home : www.madnessmomandme.com
“Freckles” and Mom vs. Truck to be explained soon, so sign up for the MADNESSMOMANDME feed here: http://madnessmomandme.com/feed/
“I wanna go back
And do it all over again
But I can’t go back I know
I wanna go back
Cause I’m feeling so much older
But I can’t go back I know“ ~ Eddie Money
As a homage to Dover Middle School (as mentioned in my previous post, www.madnessmomandme.com/2010/03/you-can-take-the-girl-out-of-dover). Eddie Money feautured our famous alma mater in the video for his hit song “I Wanna Go Back”. Sorry to say, the school was bulldozed and currently a chain drugstore stands in its place. I should call Crissie Hynde, dammit! Well, at least we Dover alumni still have our precious memories, and this video. Thanks Eddie!
(ITALIAN LESSON: Jr. High School = scuola media inferiore)
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“When you’re a Jet, You’re a Jet all the way. From your first cigarette. To your last dyin’ day.” ~ West Side Story
You know the rest: But you can’t take the Dover out of the girl.
True, if I must admit it myself. Dover Middle School reminded me of the movie West Side Story, where the Sharks and the Jets were planning a battle. But our battle was not about whose turf belonged to whom, it was about Rock’n Roll vs. Disco, baby! Yeah, really dramatic, huh? Well, the writing was on the wall – literally, with permanent marker scribbles, like: DISCO SUCKS, LYNYRD SKYNYRD RULES, ROCK IS DEAD, DIE DISCO F*K%@#, graffitied all over our school’s bathroom walls.
(ITALIAN LESSON: Battle = battaglia)
Ready for playground battle, I toted around my shiny pearl-handled switch-blade knife, because the students were buzzing about an upcoming fight over our musical tastes – the less bloodshed meant your music is better, so you “win”… what a crock, huh?
The Dover still in me? I still carry my little weapon with me once in a while, just in case someone calls me out to battle about my penchant for Frank Sinatra or 80s tunes. Wanna fight?
Hey Mang, get back to the home of all the MADNESS here: www.madnessmomandme.com
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New related post features our beloved Dover Middle School in action: http://www.madnessmomandme.com/2010/03/i-wanna-go-back/
“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.” ~ Orson Welles
A few excerpts from my diary, circa mid-to-late seventies:
MONDAY: “Dear Diary, Pancakes for breakfast (tasted really good). Lunch: pasta fagioli. Played records with Patti Ann , then mom made spaghetti & meatballs for dinner – was really yummy . Ice cream sandwiches for dessert.
SPLOTCH!!! Ooops! There goes some sauce on the page. Guess I shouldn’t eat and write.
FRIDAY: Nan’s anisette cookies for a snack, sausage & peppers for lunch and chicken cacciatore for dinner – loved dipping the Italian bread in mom’s sauce. Watched The Monkees on TV. I love Peter Tork as much as that sauce!
SPLOOOTCH! Damn, more saucey droppings!
SATURDAY: Walked to the candy store with Pat, Tracy and John for some BottleCaps, Pop Rocks and Wacky Packs - got the UGH LEE card – hahaha! Dad trekked all of us to McDonald’s for lunch - I really like those tasty little onions on the burgers. Played outside in the yard all afternoon, making mud pies. Then made Tracy eat an ant – told her it was chocolate covered. Mmmm.. mom made lasagna for dinner. It-was really delicious, and Dad ate all the garlic – eeeew! (Funny, these days I am the one picking out that garlic –to ENJOY!)
I’m sure you get the message by now. All I seemed to have on my mind was food, food and more food (until boys came around anyway, then I had a new crush each month, more about my bizarre crushes in the next post). I get my love of the next meal from my Sicilian/Napoledon father – hey, it’s an Italian thing – eating could actually be an Olympic sport (remember my “Abbondanza” post?). I think we are born with sauce in our veins.
The fig doesn’t fall far from the tree, either, because while Dad and I were enjoying our breakfast, we’d be chatting about a savory lunch to come a few hours later. While chowing down on lunch, we were discussing what mom would be cooking up for dinner. Yup, my main loves in those days were breakfast, lunch and dinner – they were so HOT!
It’s actually amazing I am not a fatty-patatty! When I look back through my diaries (which I wrote in from about seven until I was twenty two) my main focus (in my younger days) was stuffing my face! I often wonder why I didn’t become a food writer or restaurant reviewer – or the 600 lb woman currently in her bed filling her fat pie-hole with dozens of eggs, cheeses, meats and crusty Italian loaves, hoping to reach her current goal of 1000 lbs (true, and freaking disgusting by the way)!
I still have my love affair with good meals, but I don’t plan on looking like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka any time soon (guess that’s why they invented exercise).
Funny Note: To this day, my first roommate Cheryl and I still crack up about what we call the “Romano Food Diaries”. When we needed a laugh we’d dig out those old diary pages, and just simply read them aloud. I think I’ll give Cheryl a ring and recite some of my “food porn” to her this weekend. It’ll bring back some silly and sweet memories … for both of us.
Dear Diary, I hope the readers go back to the home page: www.madnessmomandme.com ~ and ~ they sign up for the MADNESS FEED: http://madnessmomandme.com/feed/
” I’m tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.” ~ Madonna
The Madness Mom and Me blog is officially a ”Black Book” member, so I guess it’s a great time for me to seek out my entourage so we can begin to review my list of demands (why not think ahead, right?). OK, I’ll start the list with a few simple must-haves for the green room: Godiva dark chocolate truffles, fresh white tulips, fire-wood scented soy candles, sparkling Perrier – with lime (don’t give me any bullsh!t lemons), Veuve Clicquot, vintage Elton John on tap and cute fluffy bunny slippers for my tootsies (when I’m not in my Louboutins). Another must-have is Cesar Milan to work with my insane-to-walk terriers (and my crackpot of a schnauzer is totally f*cked up to walk, believe me!) See? That was simple – no snow white turtle doves, fuzzy kitten baskets or missing brown M&Ms.
(Italian Lesson: Entourage = def: persone che accompagnano un VIP)
I DEMAND (please) 
that you head back to the home page: www.madnessmomandme.com ~ and ~ be also sure to sign up for the MADNESS FEED: http://madnessmomandme.com/feed/
”The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.” ~ W.C. Fields
(Italian Lesson: Pancake = frittella)
So, I just got off the phone with my Aunt Patti (yes, the one with the everyday f*ckin’ “colorful” conversation (as noted in the post “Aunt Patti’s Hair Nest and the Twitty Birds”) and she told me that my beloved and utterly sweet ninety two year old grandmother - whom I call “Nan” – was noshing on pancakes yesterday morning for breakfast (OK, normal so far, right?) but, as she was enjoying her pancakes - and in her day, my Nan could whip up some amazing pancakes - Nan was tearing off little buttery bits and shoving them into a nearby book.
When asked why the pancake pages were all-the-rage that particular day, Nan stated simply “so I have something to snack on later, of course”. Alright Nan, but wouldn’t a little plate or Tupperware container do the trick ? Awwww, the things we may do at ninety two… I don’t think she was planning to read that book anyway - I just hope she doesn’t try to cook it!
(You can read more about Nan’s quirky habits lovingly noted in this post: “Joe Pesci is my third cousin, you gotta F*%#!n’ problem with that?” http://madnessmomandme.com/2009/07/joe-pesce/).
Head back to the Madness home page here www.madnessmomandme.com ~ and ~ be sure to sign up for the MADNESS FEED: http://madnessmomandme.com/feed/
(Italian Lesson: cigar smoker = fumatore di sigari)
Don’t make me get the cigar! Please go back to the home of Madness at www.madnessmomandme.com
Behave, and be sure to sign up for the MADNESS FEED here: http://madnessmomandme.com/feed/
