Archive for the ‘madnessmomandme’ Category

Getting Off My Ass! Let the Madness Begin…Again!

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” ~ Steven Wright

A little over four years ago (HOLY SH!T, it’s been 4 years!) I began with my Madness blog’s opening line: “They say insanity is the spice of life, right?  Got it – chock full, in fact…”  Yup, it’s been a bit over four full years of snippets with my living cast of characters from my loveable, yet totally neurotic Italian family from NJ. I like to say, INSANITY WITH A SIDE OF SAUCE!


What I’ve decided to do now is begin mapping out the Madness book. A book, the REAL KIND you can actually turn the pages of — the book I began BEFORE this blog ever even existed. I guess 2014 is the year to get off my ASS and write my story before another 50 months pass me and my ass right on by, and I’ll still be without my damned hardcover!

Here’s my game plan: I’m going to relive a few snippets from my beloved old posts from time to time, and I’ll let you in on the status of my manuscript. Ok, just the word manuscript is making me want to reach for a swig of bourbon (the really good stuff!) Ok, one page at a time, one page at a time.

bourbon fun

So check out a post along the sidebar if you have a minute, and leave a comment. A blog post without a comment is like that island of misfit toys – a lonely place, and you feel like a bit like a loser, just like some of those sweet little toys did (even though they were by far the BEST of the bunch – and they had heart).


My favorite and first crystal tee


p.s. just for sh!ts & giggles, I’ll also mention a few of favorite snippets from time to time to keep us all amused.

Ladies & Gentlemen Take My Advice…

Saturday, April 20th, 2013

“Ladies & gentlemen take my advice; pull down your pants and slide on the ice”

Don’t you just love when cherished sayings and memories swirl through your head and say HELLO like those cute dancing candies from vintage drive-in movie ads?

candy dance

The “pull down your pants” saying was one of those humorous little gems mom would share every once-in-awhile — which I have fond memories of now — so when I found the video clip from M*A*S*H it was like striking gold!

So here it is – enjoy, and please let me know if you’ve ever heard of this before, I’d love to know!

THIS JUST IN: Rest in Peace Allan Arbus, known to many of us at the psychiatrist Maj. Sidney Freedman from M*A*S*H (As seen in this clip above) passed away at age 95. Story HERE.

I Caught You Peeking!

Thursday, May 24th, 2012

Happy to see you popped in to my world of madness for a second. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little glimpse of whatever you stumbled upon here while your wasting enjoying time on the world wide web.

The thing is, peek away my friends!
I love that you found my blog (I dish & tell snippets & stories about my slightly crazy, certifiably neurotic, yet totally lovable NJ Italian family), and I hope you’ll be back for another serving. Yeah, I’d love it a bit more if you left a comment even to just mention you were here — that would be cool. Just typing a “hey” or “ciao” or even your nickname in the COMMENTS spot would be the Pecorino on my pasta!

ITALIAN LESSON: peek-a-boo = gioco del cucù

You see, I can view how many stop by and the numbers surprise me (in a good way). I just wish I knew a few of your names.


Madness, Mom & Mother’s Day

Saturday, May 12th, 2012

No sugarcoating whatsoever:
Life without Mom pisses me off!

Yes, I’m grateful for all the sweet, wonderful and sometimes hilarious years I had with my parents. Yes, I’m one of the lucky ones to have a smart & funny husband, a fabulous family, great friends and two adorable terriers who are quite talented at licking my tears away when they fall. I know I’m lucky to have all of these things, yet when you lose a Mom who is also a best friend, your muse and a person you really enjoy hanging out with, it really leaves a gash in your heart.

(ITALIAN LESSON: angry = arrabbiato)

Sometimes I scratch my wound on purpose. I’m a total sucker for family photos, and many nights I’ll grab a pile of childhood pictures and pore over them, treasuring each frame while fondly reminiscing about the good times. Memories dance through my head and I love it, yet it’s like torture (and I am no masochist).

I realize these memories are all I have now. No time to create new ones with Ma, no new jokes or one-liners of hers for me to jot down and share. No more shopping sprees or or chatting while she relaxes on the couch with a coke and one of my furkids (as seen in the photo below) etc. I can’t even ask her a question about the sixteen foster kids she and my loving Dad took in over the years — I just have my own recollections to rely on now.

This will be my second Mother’s Day without her, and it stings – it really just “sucks the big one” to be blunt. No, I don’t plan to beat up another laptop (See: Shaken Laptop Syndrome) or anyone else for that matter (although I may be typing a bit hard on these keys at the moment).

So, do me a favor if your Mom is still here. Give her a hug from me — and make it extra tight.

Comments welcome! HERE.

Cradle Crap

Saturday, January 14th, 2012

“When I was born I was so surprised I couldn’t talk for a year and a half.” ~ Gracie Allen

My mom was certainly gifted with a clever tongue, and her way with words always made me laugh. Her wit was mentioned in a few of my previous Madness posts such as The Sh!t List!, Mom’s Prison Rap, My Clever Ma and This Little Piggy.

Yesterday I was pleasantly reminded of a funny phrase mom used to say when I was little. You know how babies get something called cradle cap on their heads? It’s a form of dermatitis which appears on the scalp of infants. But let’s not get gross here, I don’t even know if you’ve had your morning coffee yet.

(ITALIAN LESSON: That’s a cute baby = Che carino bimbo / Che carino bimba (for female)

Anyway, it was…well, Mom said it best, calling it “Cradle Crap”, and she used to gently peel away whatever traces of this mushy scalp crap I had on my little baby head.

Cradle crap, exploding diapers and boogers — bless you moms for all you endure!

Time to vent! Please share your baby incidents in the comments section HERE. I’d love to hear your stories (bring on the yuck factor, I have a pretty strong stomach)!

7 Links Challenge

Sunday, October 9th, 2011

I was recently asked by Barbara Hammond of Zero to 60, and Katie Sorene of Trip Base to take part in the 7 Links Challenge, where you select previously written posts in 7 categories, then ask your fellow bloggers/blogstresses to do the same. It’s a bit harder than you think, so please challenge yourself. I won’t call anyone out (as the “rules” state) so it’s up to you if you wish to give it a whirl. Plus, I do enjoy breaking the rules!

    Here are the categories and my Madness selections:

Most beautiful post:
Mourning Mom
Speaks for itself, and it’s all still so surreal to me. My world as I knew it ended when mom died.

Most popular post:
Joe Pesci is my third cousin, you gotta F*%#!n’ problem with that?
Because who doesn’t love crazy ranting cousin Joe?

Most controversial post:
The Good Ol’ Inappropriate Days.
Political correctness? Who really gives a sh!t?

Most helpful post:
Love Rituals

Everyone should be so lucky to have so much love.

A post whose success surprised you:
Pretty Precious Things
Short & sweet — I received many comments and emails about your treasured keepsakes.

A post which didn’t get the attention it deserved:
Turn the Car Around Dominic!
Come on, Mom throwing her shoes, handbag and Dad’s wallet out of the car window? = funny stuff!

Post that you are most proud of:
Ding-a-lings at the Dover Library
A little girl’s original art. So what if it was all about a penis…I love that story!

Have a blog? Free to share your link in the comments section, and/or tell me about your single favorite post.

Mom’s Prison Rap

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

My mother really had a kick-ass sense of humor, which you can clearly see in these past posts: My Clever Mom, Dissin’ & Dishin’ with Mom, and The Impatient Patient.

Her original “PRISON RAP” is one of my favorites, and I’m lucky enough to have a taped version featuring rapper mom at the mic! Yeah, it might sound crazy, but this little rap of hers is one of my most cherished memories of her clever wit!

So let’s get to it — here is Mom’s original rap:

PRISON RAP ~ by Margo Romano

I’m going through a phase with my razor blades
I’ll stab you in the neck, but what the heck
I got you by the balls, so you’re takin’ a fall
I’m hopping on a train, going insane
But I’m coming back and that’s a fact

I’m telling no lies, so you better hide
I’ll do my time for committing my crime
I know life sucks, but what the F*CK!

There ain’t no reason, there ain’t no rhyme,
I’m just sitting in my cell doing time.


Confessions of a Naughty Catholic (Part 1)

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

“I believe more in the scissors than I do in the pencil.” ~ Truman Capote

Two winters ago I introduced you to my favorite evil nun, Sister Urselena, in the appropriately named Madness post, “The Very Wretched Sister Urselena”.

I mentioned that the dreaded puppet-faced Sister Ursulena would be calling my mom (again) about my school girl antics and to stay tuned for the “pencil incident” – well, here’s the story of my pencil gone bad:

HINT: I did not use my pencil for reading, writing or arithmetic that day. Nope, I had other plans…

I recall a chubby-faced pasty blond boy (whose name I cannot remember) so for sh!ts and giggles, let’s just refer to him as “pasty pencil boy”. Pasty pencil boy was teasing me about usual kid stuff, like church politics or the Sunday collection plate. Perhaps we were arguing over the number of deep crevices in Sister Urselena’s mug and during our little tiff he punched me in the tummy! I didn’t take well to a shot to the gut at six, and believe me, I sure as hell wouldn’t be too accepting of one now. So, like any disciplined student, I happened to have my just-sharpened No. 2 pencil at the ready, and his wrist was well, just THERE, so WHAM!!! I let him have that pencil tip, right in his veiny pale doughboy wrist! (Oh, and the pasty kid was fine

ITALIAN LESSON: Where can I get a pencil = Dove posse comprare una matita?

Hey, “Eye for an eye” right? Isn’t that what the Bible teaches us? Well, Sister Urselena did NOT agree, so I was suspended for a couple of days. YAY! I get to hang with Mom and watch TV – it was fabulous! (Oh, and pasty pencil boy was just fine).

Come on, share a naughty childhood story with me here in the COMMENTS Section— I won’t judge 🙂

Never punch a feisty girl in her belly, and head to the home of the madness here: Madness Home.

Your Family in 3 Words

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.”

Hey guys – let’s have a little fun today, shall we? Go ahead and describe your family in just three words (in the comments area below). Come on, just post the first three words that pop into your head!

ITALIAN LESSON: Family = La Famiglia

Okay, I’ll go first: neurotic, quirky & lovable (not in that order, of course) 🙂

When you’re done commenting, please head back to the madness home HERE

Debut: Six Sentence Saturdays

Saturday, July 9th, 2011

Something new! Little six sentence snippets of my family insanity posts.

These six (long sentences) are from my original post, “Just a Crazy Italian Famiglia from NJ”. Hope you enjoy ~ Ciao Bellas!

Mom certainly contributed her fair share of insanity to our little Romano clan, and I love her for it, I really do. Come on, how many other daughters can go on about how their mom threw her shoes/purse/dad’s wallet out of the car window, flipped her spaghetti plate at the dinner table, ran away a few times (well, it was just around the block, or to the corner of her walk-in closet), had special “turn-the-car-around” powers, or flipped on the gas oven to do the family in?

Plus, an almost-daughter-in-law (seeing her before noon, you would’ve sworn she was Don King) who beat down an enemy with a plastic lawn goose and occasionally went berserk on family members with a Ginsu knife!

Seriously, mom and I shared many a laugh over these memories, complete with those precious “pee-your-pants” moments, and this is just the beginning.

MADONNA MIA! If you have a weak bladder, pop on your trusty Depends and hang on for the ride!