Archive for the ‘Insane family stories’ Category

Nostalgia Warning! You Know You’re Italian if….

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

When I found this wonderful video this morning, MAMMA MIA my eyes watered! So many little bits of nostalgia I can relate to, and I hope you can too — or simply sit back just enjoy (and be Italian for the day).

ITALIAN LESSON: have fun, enjoy yourself: divertiti

A few I considered the pepperonis on my pizza were:

• The “sangwich”! Dad always enjoyed a nice prosciutto, salami and provolone cheese sangwich (and pile on the peppers)!
• Being almost as tall as your grandmother by age seven. CHECK!
• Thinking nylons were supposed to be worn down by the ankle. MY NAN ROCKED THAT LOOK
• Catholicism – the only religion there was, right? UNLESS YOU WANT A ONE-WAY TICKET TO HELL
• You have relatives who are not really your relatives. YEAH, I’D SAY I HAVE 984 COUSINS TO BE EXACT
• Talking loud is normal. REFER TO MY ORIGINAL LOUD FAMILY POST.

I’d love for you to share any of your memories PLZ COMMENT HERE whether you are an ITALIANO or not. GRAZIE!!!

Posted in Being Italian, Insane family stories, italian slang, Italian traditions, Italians, Loud Italians, madness mom & me, my favorite things, Nan, NJ, The Loud family, you know you're italian | 6 Comments »

Confessions of a Naughty Catholic (Part 1)

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

“I believe more in the scissors than I do in the pencil.” ~ Truman Capote

Two winters ago I introduced you to my favorite evil nun, Sister Urselena, in the appropriately named Madness post, “The Very Wretched Sister Urselena”.

I mentioned that the dreaded puppet-faced Sister Ursulena would be calling my mom (again) about my school girl antics and to stay tuned for the “pencil incident” – well, here’s the story of my pencil gone bad:

HINT: I did not use my pencil for reading, writing or arithmetic that day. Nope, I had other plans…

I recall a chubby-faced pasty blond boy (whose name I cannot remember) so for sh!ts and giggles, let’s just refer to him as “pasty pencil boy”. Pasty pencil boy was teasing me about usual kid stuff, like church politics or the Sunday collection plate. Perhaps we were arguing over the number of deep crevices in Sister Urselena’s mug and during our little tiff he punched me in the tummy! I didn’t take well to a shot to the gut at six, and believe me, I sure as hell wouldn’t be too accepting of one now. So, like any disciplined student, I happened to have my just-sharpened No. 2 pencil at the ready, and his wrist was well, just THERE, so WHAM!!! I let him have that pencil tip, right in his veiny pale doughboy wrist! (Oh, and the pasty kid was fine

ITALIAN LESSON: Where can I get a pencil = Dove posse comprare una matita?

Hey, “Eye for an eye” right? Isn’t that what the Bible teaches us? Well, Sister Urselena did NOT agree, so I was suspended for a couple of days. YAY! I get to hang with Mom and watch TV – it was fabulous! (Oh, and pasty pencil boy was just fine).

Come on, share a naughty childhood story with me here in the COMMENTS Section– I won’t judge :)

Never punch a feisty girl in her belly, and head to the home of the madness here: Madness Home.

Posted in anger, boy stabbed with pencil, bratty kids, Catholic school, funny family stories, Insane family stories, madness, madness mom & me, madnessmomandme, Morristown, naughty catholic, naughty catholic girl, pencil stabbing, St. Margaret's | 8 Comments »

Your Family in 3 Words

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.”

Hey guys – let’s have a little fun today, shall we? Go ahead and describe your family in just three words (in the comments area below). Come on, just post the first three words that pop into your head!

ITALIAN LESSON: Family = La Famiglia

Okay, I’ll go first: neurotic, quirky & lovable (not in that order, of course) :)

YOUR TURN!
When you’re done commenting, please head back to the madness home HERE

Posted in describe your family, Fun insane family, funny family stories, Insane family stories, Italians, madness mom & me, madnessmomandme, The Romanos | 4 Comments »

Debut: Six Sentence Saturdays

Saturday, July 9th, 2011

Something new! Little six sentence snippets of my family insanity posts.

These six (long sentences) are from my original post, “Just a Crazy Italian Famiglia from NJ”. Hope you enjoy ~ Ciao Bellas!

Mom certainly contributed her fair share of insanity to our little Romano clan, and I love her for it, I really do. Come on, how many other daughters can go on about how their mom threw her shoes/purse/dad’s wallet out of the car window, flipped her spaghetti plate at the dinner table, ran away a few times (well, it was just around the block, or to the corner of her walk-in closet), had special “turn-the-car-around” powers, or flipped on the gas oven to do the family in?

Plus, an almost-daughter-in-law (seeing her before noon, you would’ve sworn she was Don King) who beat down an enemy with a plastic lawn goose and occasionally went berserk on family members with a Ginsu knife!

Seriously, mom and I shared many a laugh over these memories, complete with those precious “pee-your-pants” moments, and this is just the beginning.

MADONNA MIA! If you have a weak bladder, pop on your trusty Depends and hang on for the ride!

Tags: ,
Posted in Fun insane family, funny family stories, Insane family stories, Loud Italians, madness, madness mom & me, madnessmomandme, mom and me, Nutty Mom, The Romanos | No Comments »

Freckles…Every Woman Has Two

Saturday, July 2nd, 2011

“My husband said ‘show me your boobs’ and I had to pull up my skirt… so it was time to get them done!” ~ Dolly Parton

“Mom, what are those?” A little me asked inquisitively one day, while staring at mom’s boobs when she was casually changing her summer blouse. Mom, thinking I meant the little “dots” on her skin, replied “freckles honey”.

ITALIAN LESSON: Boobs = tette (tits) or poppa (breasts)

From that day on, for about a decade or so, I thought boobs were called freckles. I couldn’t understand why some of my friends didn’t know what the word meant — I just figured my mom told me more about that kind of stuff than their moms did. Lucky to be me!


Please say hello to your freckles, and head to the home of madness: Here

Posted in boobs, Crazy NJ family, freckles, Fun insane family, funny family stories, Insane family stories, madness mom & me, mom & me, mom and me | 8 Comments »

Mom’s Little Monkey

Thursday, April 28th, 2011

“Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.” ~ Winston Churchill

In my post “The Exorcist at the Drive In” I shared my warm memories of the drive-in movie theater, and how I fondly remember those retro intermission ads touting sparkling cold beverages, piping hot coffee, Slim Jims, chocolate bars, candy and cigarettes.

I also mentioned how my little peepers stayed glued to the big screen during the entire showing of The Exorcist, complete with the Ouija board (“Captain Howdy”), pea green priest vomit, and Regan’s infamous crackling head spin. That movie stayed with me so much so that it’s still ranks as my favorite horror flick ever, which I religiously (pun intended) watch at least once a year.

baby orangutan

That night, during the showing of the pre-movie movie, mom & dad kept telling me they had a cute little monkey to show me, but I had to be patient. I was so excited and couldn’t wait to see this monkey! Where the heck did mom and dad get a monkey from?” I wondered, so I did my best Ramona the Pest impersonation to get them to show me asap!

Finally, mom said “are you ready to see the monkey?” I told her “YES YES YES!” So … I closed my eyes, and then mom spoke her magic words: “open your eyes!”

DAMN — I was totally gypped!

The “MONKEY” was me! Mom put down the passenger’s side sun visor, so when I opened my eyes I saw my own face in the mirror! Turns out, they thought I was their cute little monkey. I do recall being a bit ticked, but the freakish movie allowed me to snap out of it fairly quickly.

(ITALIAN LESSON: That does not please me = Questo non me calza )

No monkeying around, please leave a comment about your drive-in/movie memories below, and you can head to the madness home page ~ HERE ~

Posted in Crazy NJ family, Drive in movie, Insane family stories, little monkey, madness mom & me, madnessmomandme, mom & me, NJ, NJ Drive In, ramona the pest, The Exorcist | 5 Comments »

Tilt-a-Whirl Nearly Kills Dover Teen

Friday, April 30th, 2010

“If you substitute marijuana for tobacco and alcohol, you’ll add eight to 24 years to your life.“~ Jack Herer

Here’s a funny story, no wait – it’s funny to me now, but it really wasn’t all that funny a few decades ago when I was a stoned teen about to have my brain jostled around for an entire afternoon!  Here’s what happened:   I was about fifteen, it was a beautiful warm and sunny Saturday in Dover …  my friends and I were hanging out doing what many of us little punks did back in the late seventies – smoking a joint.  No harm done, right? I mean I never got into anything heavier, so the whole “gateway” drug stuff seems like total B.S. to me.

There I am with my friends having a good time, talking, laughing and most likely stuffing our faces with a zillion Doritos, and along comes a dark blue Chevy Impala.  Damn! You see, this Chevy happened to have my dad behind the wheel, and his passengers included mom and my cousin Tracy.  They were on a mission: to find me, get my ass in the car and head to Bertrand’s Island Amusement Park for the day.  HOLY SH!T!

Tilt a Whirl at Bertrand's Island, NJ

(ITALIAN LESSON: amusement park =  parco dei divertimenti or luna park)

Bertrand’s Island was usually a thrill for me, but going to an amusement park high was not on my agenda that day.  I almost tossed my Doritos on The Tilt-a-Whirl, my brains got scrambled on The Scrambler, and flying around on that huge old rickety roller coaster – geez, what a nightmare!

That night when we arrived home, I swear I was the happiest kid in town, and my little stoner secret stayed with me – until now.

Why couldn’t Dom turn the car around THAT day? Oh well, head back to the home of Madness here: www.MadnessMomandMe.com.

Posted in Bertrand's Island, Crazy NJ family, Fun insane family, funny family stories, Insane family stories, madness mom & me, madnessmomandme, Smoking pot, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Just a Crazy Italian Famiglia from NJ

Sunday, April 25th, 2010
“Sempre Famiglia = Family Forever”
Family Forever
Mom certainly contributed her fair share of insanity to our little Romano clan, and I love her for it, I really do.  Come on, how many other daughters can go on about how their mom threw her shoes/purse/dad’s wallet out of the car window, flipped her spaghetti plate at the dinner table, ran away a few times (well, it was just around the block, or to the corner of her walk-in closet), had special “turn-the-car-around” powers, or flipped on the gas oven to do the family in? Seriously, mom and I share many a laugh over these memories, complete with those precious “pee-your-pants” moments, and this is just beginning. 

(ITALIAN LESSON:  She comes from a noble, ancient family = Viene da un’antica nobile famiglia)

Like the time when mom ironed counterfeit bills for my gansta brother, her saintly patience with sixteen different foster kids (in all varieties),  her sisters who mastered the craft of putting curses on people (oops – sorry your house burned down!) and an almost- daughter-in-law (seeing her in the morning, you would’ve sworn she was boxing promoter Don King) who beat down an enemy with a plastic lawn goose and occasionally went berserk on family members with a Ginsu knife!

MADONNA MIA! I could just go on and on, so let me gather up some snippets to share and I’ll be back with more decades of true-life lunacy.

If you have a weak bladder, pop on your trusty Depends and hang on for the ride!

It's Fun to be Crazy

Crazy or not, head back to the HOME PAGE here: www.MadnessMomandme.com

Posted in Crazy NJ family, Foster Kids, Fun insane family, funny family stories, Insane family stories, madness, madness mom & me, madnessmomandme, NJ, Nutty Mom, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »