“You know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money?” ~ Sixteen Candles

I still have a spaghetti bowl full of funny stories about my lovable, yet slightly nutty Italian family to share, but my mind is still reeling from losing mom on Thanksgiving, so I’ll write about my own share of crazy today. Side note: Mom used to hate when people would say they “lost” a loved one.  She’d say “you didn’t LOSE them or misplace them – they are dead!”  Mom, I can hear your voice saying that in your usual humorous way!

Yes, I’ve pulled the occasional New Jersey Housewives stunt – I once knocked over an outdoor table at a  DC cafe (they had it coming!) –  and I cornered an obnoxious driver against her car door when I was in my twenties (thankfully YouTube wasn’t around back then).  So I guess you could say I have a little bitty hot temper.  In my carnival-of-a-warped mind, I actually find my spicy little temper kind of amusing, maybe even charming.  Funny, my husband looked over my shoulder to see what I was writing and said it’s simple –  I’m just a bit deranged.  See? Even he thinks it’s charming!

I may not always be 100% in the right, but here’s one time I was, yet I was kicked out of a country!  Here’s what happened:  Hubby and I were enjoying our farewell honeymoon lunch near the Atlantic Ocean in beautiful Albufeira, Portugal.  We were set to drive the coast that afternoon, making our way to Spain through the scenic towns and communities of the Costa del Sol for part dois of our trip.  We only had so many escudos left (this was pre-euro) so we were careful when we ordered from the menu, as to be sure we’d have enough cash for our tab and tip.  

Soon after we ordered our panini-style sandwiches and a glass of wine, the waiter arrived with a nice size basket of french fries.  We saw something about fries on the chalkboard (which was in Portuguese) so we assumed they were an accompaniment to the paninis. You can see where this is going, right?  After lunch, our tab (with the fries unexpectedly added) arrived, and it was more escudos than we had, so we told the waiter we did not order the fries – we just figured they came with our lunch. “Not so! It was my mistake, but YOU ate them, so you have to pay for them!”, he demanded.  We yelled back, gave him what was left of our cash, which covered about 80% of the tab, but he was pissed.  Naturally, I cursed him in Italian, and he comically pointed his finger toward the street and told me to get out of “his” Portugal and never return again!

I think hubby and I laughed all the way to Spain!

(ITALIAN LESSON: Get the hell out = andarsene di corsa)

Maledizione (damn!) head to the MADNESS home here: www.MadnessMomandMe.com