Archive for the ‘Fun insane family’ Category

Fickle Fortune Fish

Saturday, June 15th, 2013

“Even the most fickle are faithful to a few bad habits.” ~ Mason Cooley

fortune fishfortune fish

One of my favorite fun and totally kitschy possessions was my little fortune fish.

You remember them, right? They look like a wafer-thin piece of strawberry candy. You would hold the fish in the palm of your hand and it would curl this way or that way to reveal your “fortune”.

While stumbling across one in my personal “junk” box the other day, a whirlwind of memories sprang to life about my interest in the occult, and these thoughts made me wonder why I never pursued the medium further. I know I’m a fickle girl, and I guess my various interests over the decades prove this to be so.

Yup, my passions have suffered from their own attention deficit disorder. I must’ve started dozens of cottage businesses: I opened a library in our wine cellar, weeded the neighbors gardens and washed their cars for extra cash, opened a small nail cafe in my first apartment while I was busy crafting stained glass, launched an online boutique, made sparkle, promoted books and businesses in social media — which I’m damn good at — the list goes on and on.

(ITALIAN LESSON: fickle = volubile)

Recently I’ve been taking courses at The Wine School of Philadelphia, but that was after I earned my USUI REIKI Level 2 Certification. I guess you can say I’m a jack of all trades, master of none (or am I?), but let’s get back to the fortunes!

palm reading

I remember having this cool palm reading kit, and I swear I could stare at faint lines on my palms for hours and hours wondering what special hidden messages would be revealed. Our OUIJA board was also a good source of entertainment, and I loved reading about all the traits of each ZODIAC sign. For years I’ve been dabbling with Tarot readings (many amazingly accurate) and now I’m trying my hand at Angel readings. All good stuff, no devil worship or anything evil (I’ll leave that to my Aunts and their spells, but more about that at another time). Well, time to consult with Mr. Fish, my angels or perhaps the Tarot deck is calling my name.

Your turn! Tell me about your interests, whether mystical or not, I’d love to hear about them!

Mom vs. Truck

Tuesday, November 6th, 2012

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

“Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.” ~ Einstein

“Your mother’s been hit by a truck!”
Dad’s abundant crackly voice filled my phone receiver.

“Oh my God! Is she dead?” I managed to squeak out, fearing the worst possible scenario, as in “my mom is now road pizza”

To make my heart-attack inducing conversation short, Mom was OK.

(ITALIAN LESSON: Hit by a car = Colpita dalla vettura)

OMG — she was hit by a frigging truck and she was fine! She was so fine, that she initially refused her ambulance ride! Mom just wanted to gather up her groceries — which ended up flying, and ultimately exploding all over the road — and continue her walk home, most likely puffing away on one of her beloved Parliaments to calm her trembling post-accident body.

Mom’s head was bleeding, and she was bruised with rainbow hues all the way down one side from the fall…um, splatter.

This was a few years ago when she was making her way back home from picking the usual suspects from SuperFresh (pizza shells, mozzarella, Dom Pepino (for the ‘za) Coca Cola, and most likely some kind of Entenmanns ooey gooey snacks) when a fairly large SUV smacked right into her as she crossed the street.

She claimed she looked both ways (hey, I know she did, since she was the one who taught me!) and WHAM! The truck hit her, and my mortal mother became airborne Mom!

She ended up saying yes to the ride in exchange for a few stitches in her noggin, as the head insists on bleeding without some sort of fix.

About a week later, Mom plucked out her sutures one by one, in typical Mom fashion.
Go back to a doctor? That’s just not her style.

Please share any car/truck/flying saucer stories in the comments section — love to hear them!

I Caught You Peeking!

Thursday, May 24th, 2012

Happy to see you popped in to my world of madness for a second. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little glimpse of whatever you stumbled upon here while your wasting enjoying time on the world wide web.

The thing is, peek away my friends!
I love that you found my blog (I dish & tell snippets & stories about my slightly crazy, certifiably neurotic, yet totally lovable NJ Italian family), and I hope you’ll be back for another serving. Yeah, I’d love it a bit more if you left a comment even to just mention you were here — that would be cool. Just typing a “hey” or “ciao” or even your nickname in the COMMENTS spot would be the Pecorino on my pasta!

ITALIAN LESSON: peek-a-boo = gioco del cucù

You see, I can view how many stop by and the numbers surprise me (in a good way). I just wish I knew a few of your names.


The (almost) Killer Rosary Bead

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” ~ Woody Allen

Mom & Dad provided me with plenty of entertaining moments over the years, and I have many more humorous (umm… neurotic) stories to share. Being my mother’s daughter, I of course, had my own dramatic escapades as well. This particular saga was a long-standing Romano favorite — friends and relatives talked about my “green rosary bead” for at least a decade or two after it made its way into my life….and my nose.

(ITALIAN LESSON: rosary beads – perle di rosario)

When I was about five or six it was just another ordinary day at school when our teacher instructed the class that it was “quiet time”. We were supposed to simply sit still at our desks with our heads resting in our arms (you know the drill). Well, I was feeling a bit fidgety that morning, and I happened to be sporting my shiny new pea-green rosary beads. When I pulled a bit too hard on my holy beads, it was just an instant before my desk had dozens of them rolling around on top of it.

So, what’s a bored kid to do? Put one up their nose, of course! Yep, I was putting one little bead in and “popping” it out — it was pretty amusing! Amusing until one got STUCK UP MY NOSE, and blood was dribbling out all over my desk and the other green beads!

Mom and Dad arrived at the school and off I went to the emergency room. The Doctor took the world’s tinest (and STRONGEST) vacuum and sucked out the foreign object, along with any dignity I happened to have left that day. I went home with some cotton packed up there to stop the bleeding, and decided from that morning on, never to play the “pop-it-out” game with my nostrils again.

I’d love to hear about your embarrassing school moments, so please share them HERE!

Bug Up Your A**?

Sunday, March 4th, 2012

“There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.” ~ Jill Churchill

There ARE a million ways to be a good mom. I was a very fortunate kid to have a mom who was not only caring — yeah, she was quirky and a little neurotic (in her own fun way) — but my Ma was also a best friend, never at a loss for making me laugh with her amusing comments. Her dramatic antics from back in the day (which used to piss me off then) are now playful stories which always bring a smile to my face.

Mom and I cracked up many times reading these posts featuring her theatrics (like: Turn The Car Around Dominic) and I still have many more entertaining stories to share. I’ve written about her witty way with words several times: Dissin’ & Dishin’ with Mom, My Clever Mom and This Little Piggy, which display her spirited sense of humor.

If you’ve read CRUSH CRAZY, you know comedy and laughter were MUSTS in our home (what can I say, Jerry Lewis was my first crush).

Italian Lesson = bug = insetto

If one of us in the Romano house had a ‘tude, Mom would ask “Do you have a bug up your ass?” Sometimes, it was more of an order like, “get that bug out of your ass!”. We got the message.

A few weeks ago I said “get the bug out of your ass” to my husband, and it really wasn’t appreciated. I guess for me, it’s just another one of Ma’s sayings I still appreciate. Growing up in a loud Italian family, you could be yelling at the top of your lungs one minute (or asking about that bug) and then you’d be perfectly fine the next. I really think the Italians were blessed with “dog memory” when it comes to family arguments. We tend to let things roll off our backs, especially when it comes to LOUD talking in each other’s face.

“Get the bug out of your ass” is still one of my personal faves. So honey, if you’re reading this, if (and when) I say it to you again, I speak it with fondness and amore.

The next time you’re feeling a bit grouchy, just tell yourself to GET THE BUG OUT! Then smile, knowing it originated from a happy place.

Have you ever heard this expression, or said it to someone yourself? Please share HERE

7 Links Challenge

Sunday, October 9th, 2011

I was recently asked by Barbara Hammond of Zero to 60, and Katie Sorene of Trip Base to take part in the 7 Links Challenge, where you select previously written posts in 7 categories, then ask your fellow bloggers/blogstresses to do the same. It’s a bit harder than you think, so please challenge yourself. I won’t call anyone out (as the “rules” state) so it’s up to you if you wish to give it a whirl. Plus, I do enjoy breaking the rules!

    Here are the categories and my Madness selections:

Most beautiful post:
Mourning Mom
Speaks for itself, and it’s all still so surreal to me. My world as I knew it ended when mom died.

Most popular post:
Joe Pesci is my third cousin, you gotta F*%#!n’ problem with that?
Because who doesn’t love crazy ranting cousin Joe?

Most controversial post:
The Good Ol’ Inappropriate Days.
Political correctness? Who really gives a sh!t?

Most helpful post:
Love Rituals

Everyone should be so lucky to have so much love.

A post whose success surprised you:
Pretty Precious Things
Short & sweet — I received many comments and emails about your treasured keepsakes.

A post which didn’t get the attention it deserved:
Turn the Car Around Dominic!
Come on, Mom throwing her shoes, handbag and Dad’s wallet out of the car window? = funny stuff!

Post that you are most proud of:
Ding-a-lings at the Dover Library
A little girl’s original art. So what if it was all about a penis…I love that story!

Have a blog? Free to share your link in the comments section, and/or tell me about your single favorite post.

The Sh!t List!

Friday, October 7th, 2011

“Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.” ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

A short & sweet post today.
Well, maybe not all that sweet — more stinky, but I like the message anyway.

Mom had a saying which I found myself using today regarding a pain-in-the-ass family member. I said, “they’ve made it to my SHIT LIST”! I realized I haven’t used that phrase in awhile, so it was quite overdue. The Sh!t List began when I was little and Mom was beginning to lose her patience. She’d give us this warning when we were getting out of hand, “you better cut that out right now, or you’ll end up on my sh!t list”! Direct and to the point, and we got it.

You get the drift too, I’m sure. So if anyone made it to your sh!t list recently, please share below by clicking that comment button — you can use code names, intitials, symbols, or feel free to tell us the whole sh!tty story.

ITALIAN LESSON: Merda = Sh*t, though not used nearly as often as English. Except in Siamo nella merda = “We’re in the shit.”

Stay on the good side Madness, and head to the home page: HERE.

Mom’s Prison Rap

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

My mother really had a kick-ass sense of humor, which you can clearly see in these past posts: My Clever Mom, Dissin’ & Dishin’ with Mom, and The Impatient Patient.

Her original “PRISON RAP” is one of my favorites, and I’m lucky enough to have a taped version featuring rapper mom at the mic! Yeah, it might sound crazy, but this little rap of hers is one of my most cherished memories of her clever wit!

So let’s get to it — here is Mom’s original rap:

PRISON RAP ~ by Margo Romano

I’m going through a phase with my razor blades
I’ll stab you in the neck, but what the heck
I got you by the balls, so you’re takin’ a fall
I’m hopping on a train, going insane
But I’m coming back and that’s a fact

I’m telling no lies, so you better hide
I’ll do my time for committing my crime
I know life sucks, but what the F*CK!

There ain’t no reason, there ain’t no rhyme,
I’m just sitting in my cell doing time.


Your Family in 3 Words

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.”

Hey guys – let’s have a little fun today, shall we? Go ahead and describe your family in just three words (in the comments area below). Come on, just post the first three words that pop into your head!

ITALIAN LESSON: Family = La Famiglia

Okay, I’ll go first: neurotic, quirky & lovable (not in that order, of course) 🙂

When you’re done commenting, please head back to the madness home HERE

Debut: Six Sentence Saturdays

Saturday, July 9th, 2011

Something new! Little six sentence snippets of my family insanity posts.

These six (long sentences) are from my original post, “Just a Crazy Italian Famiglia from NJ”. Hope you enjoy ~ Ciao Bellas!

Mom certainly contributed her fair share of insanity to our little Romano clan, and I love her for it, I really do. Come on, how many other daughters can go on about how their mom threw her shoes/purse/dad’s wallet out of the car window, flipped her spaghetti plate at the dinner table, ran away a few times (well, it was just around the block, or to the corner of her walk-in closet), had special “turn-the-car-around” powers, or flipped on the gas oven to do the family in?

Plus, an almost-daughter-in-law (seeing her before noon, you would’ve sworn she was Don King) who beat down an enemy with a plastic lawn goose and occasionally went berserk on family members with a Ginsu knife!

Seriously, mom and I shared many a laugh over these memories, complete with those precious “pee-your-pants” moments, and this is just the beginning.

MADONNA MIA! If you have a weak bladder, pop on your trusty Depends and hang on for the ride!