Archive for August, 2011

Confessions of a Naughty Catholic (Part 1)

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

“I believe more in the scissors than I do in the pencil.” ~ Truman Capote

Two winters ago I introduced you to my favorite evil nun, Sister Urselena, in the appropriately named Madness post, “The Very Wretched Sister Urselena”.

I mentioned that the dreaded puppet-faced Sister Ursulena would be calling my mom (again) about my school girl antics and to stay tuned for the “pencil incident” – well, here’s the story of my pencil gone bad:

HINT: I did not use my pencil for reading, writing or arithmetic that day. Nope, I had other plans…

I recall a chubby-faced pasty blond boy (whose name I cannot remember) so for sh!ts and giggles, let’s just refer to him as “pasty pencil boy”. Pasty pencil boy was teasing me about usual kid stuff, like church politics or the Sunday collection plate. Perhaps we were arguing over the number of deep crevices in Sister Urselena’s mug and during our little tiff he punched me in the tummy! I didn’t take well to a shot to the gut at six, and believe me, I sure as hell wouldn’t be too accepting of one now. So, like any disciplined student, I happened to have my just-sharpened No. 2 pencil at the ready, and his wrist was well, just THERE, so WHAM!!! I let him have that pencil tip, right in his veiny pale doughboy wrist! (Oh, and the pasty kid was fine

ITALIAN LESSON: Where can I get a pencil = Dove posse comprare una matita?

Hey, “Eye for an eye” right? Isn’t that what the Bible teaches us? Well, Sister Urselena did NOT agree, so I was suspended for a couple of days. YAY! I get to hang with Mom and watch TV – it was fabulous! (Oh, and pasty pencil boy was just fine).

Come on, share a naughty childhood story with me here in the COMMENTS Section— I won’t judge 🙂

Never punch a feisty girl in her belly, and head to the home of the madness here: Madness Home.

Capeeshe Italiano?

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

Today, I’m reveling in the memories which bubbled to the surface after reading an email from my fun-loving cousin Jackie (which reminded her of the many Romano family dinners past in Morristown, NJ). Wow, I can just about TASTE grandma’s crab sauce! I hope you ENJOY my take on this amusing email.

OK, let’s start at the beginning:

Come stai?
Molto bene

That about covers the basics everyone knows, so here are some words and phrases that are a mix of Italian-American with a heaping spoonful of slang. Words every Paesano and Bacciagaloop have heard for certain — affectionately known as “Goomba-Italiano”, an adored language which has been around for many generations.

The goomba says “ciao” when he arrives or leaves. He says “Mama Mia!” anytime emotion is needed in any given situation. Mannaggia, meengya, oofah, and of course, va fongool can also be used.

There are usually plenty of mamalukes, and always one girl from the neighborhood with the reputation as a facia-bruta, puttana or a schifosa. Let’s not forget the googootz or mezzo-finookio in the hood as well.

If called cattivo, cabbadost, sfatcheem, stupido, or strunz, you’re a pain in the ass. A crazy diavolo can give you the malocchio (evil eye), but that red horn (contra malokya) will protect you if you use it right (just be careful). If you’re feeling a bit mooshadda or stounad or mezzo-morto, just go to Nonna’s and let her fix you up with a plate of homemade manicott’, cavadell’, or calamar’, or some ricott’ cheesecake.

Then, mangia some zeppoles, cannolis, torrone, struffoli, shfoolyadell’, pignoli cookies, or a little nutella on pannetone — Delizioso!

Here’s a popular sentence: “I think I’ll fix myself a sangweech of cabacol’ with some proshoot and mozarell’ or maybe just a hot slice of peetza.”

Please give MADNESS a salud’ below if you understood any of this – that would be BELLISSIMO!

Oh, and if anyone EVER says ESCAROLE, slap ’em in the face — it’s ‘SHCAROLE! Then please head back to the MADNESS home HERE