Archive for January, 2011

Shaken Laptop Syndrome

Saturday, January 29th, 2011

“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” ~ Will Rogers

I’ll admit that quite a few things in life piss me off (rudeness to waitstaff, bad drivers, close-minded nitwits and racists) and sometimes my rage seems a bit over-the-top based on the situation at hand.  I attribute my short fuse to my Sicilian heritage — perhaps it’s the Napoledon in me, or maybe the combination of these two fiery ancestral lines fuel my spicy Italian temper.

This past week, my neurons went neurotic, my synapses snapped, my circuits became a circus.  I think this frenzy was mainly from staying so damn busy, I’ve not given myself a true grieving period for mom, and my stress level has  been running in the red for a few weeks now.  I’m angry that I cannot pick up the phone to call ma to chit chat or bullsh!t like only we could.  I’m angry because I want to ask her a question about my childhood, a family recipe, life in the fifties, dish about the latest scandal in the news, or tell her a funny joke I recently heard.  I’m angry when that bitter sting of reality SMACKS me, reminding me that those days are gone forever.

One angry redhead

So what did I do with all this fire? All I can say is that I’m glad I cannot be arrested for SHAKEN LAPTOP SYNDROME, because that’s exactly what I took by rage out on.  Yes, my beautiful brand new laptop is royally screwed, and yes, I am the f’in idiot who screwed it!  (A temper tantrum! um…how old am I?) Great, I’m at the top of my own SH!T LIST!

Punch that laptop!

Side Note: Blessed computer gurus are going to try to put Humpty back together again, so I think I’d better turn my statue of Bill Gates upside down for luck.

Wanna hear something even more bizarre? This is not a unique occurrence! While searching the web for a photo to use for this post, I came across several forums with many other crazy people (like me) asking the question “what happens when I punch my laptop?”, or “I just fisted the crap out of my keyboard, will my computer ever work again?” WOW.

(Angry Italian Lesson:  You can all go f!ck yourselves = Andate tutti a vaffanculo!)

Happy this disturbing week has come to a close, I’m slowly forgiving myself for my psycho behavior, taking some time to reflect and figure out alternate ways to vent without destroying my favorite inanimate objects.

Which leads me to ask — what was YOUR craziest moment of rage? (or feel free to share a few things that piss YOU off).

Take a deep breath, say OMMMMMMMMMMMM and head to the home page here:

Are you a Blogstress?

Monday, January 17th, 2011
The Blogstress Network, Women helping Women  ~ by  BARBARA HAMMOND
I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you about a new venture and why I think it will be great for all of us.  I hope you, my friends, have at least taken a look at The Blogstress Network website and our  Facebook page.  I’ve seen comments from, “I can’t wait to see what the three of you come up with!”  to, “What exactly is this about?” So here goes… 
I did some blog research recently, and one of the most surprising statistics for me was that men write 70% of them.   What’s wrong with this statistic you ask? To quote Susan Sarandon, whom I adore, “The World would be different if any woman were in charge.”
Now don’t get me wrong, I adore men.  I read several blogs written by men, not to mention articles online and in the newspapers.  That said I have to agree with Ms. Sarandon.  Women view the world much differently for some obvious reasons and some not so obvious.
I think you’ll find more memoir and lifestyle blogs written by women, and more how-to and opinion blogs written by men.  Clearly there is more than enough room in the blogosphere for all subject matter.  But, I think we need more women bloggers.  We need more sharing of experiences and story telling.  

Which brings me back to The Blogstress Network.  This all came about because three women bloggers, who actually knew each other for quite some time, met at a party last year and discovered they all had blogs.  Let’s face it, the technical side of blogging has its own language, and how many times can you mention at a cocktail party how frustrating it is that you aren’t getting the SEO you’d like, and have someone stare at you like a deer in headlights?  If you don’t have a blog you probably have no idea what that means. 

So to our shock and delight we started chatting away about all things blog.  At the end of the evening we decided we should get together and see how we could help each other grow our blogs.  Since then we’ve met at least once a month for coffee or cocktails.  Over many months we realized how our small group had enhanced our individual blogs enormously.  Out of that grew the idea of a network that could help other women bloggers around the world.   Encourage them to find their own blogging buddies to physically meet with.  

I have to mention that our blogs are all quite different.  Doreen Naughton Creede, The Style Maniac, blogs about all things chic and beautiful that can enhance your lifestyle.  Lee Romano Sequiera, Madness Mom and Me, blogs about growing up in her wacky New Jersey Italian family, in a most irreverent and hilarious way.  And mine,  Zero to 60 and beyond  is primarily a memoir with some opinions and creativity thrown in for good measure.

I have found myself encouraging almost every woman I meet to start a blog.  I honestly believe we all have stories to tell and even if we think they’re insignificant they may very well help others.   Why would you encourage competition, you ask?  It’s not competition.  It is very much like Sarah’s Circle.  The broader our community, the more we all benefit.  So whether you have a blog or not, I do hope you will join us in our quest to have Blogstresses all around the globe.  Women sharing their ideas and advice through our  network, facebook and twitter.

Do you have a blog?  Do you know anyone in your community who does?  I hope you’ll start one if you haven’t already, and you will search for other bloggers in your area to support our communal efforts.  We will be here to help!  That is what The Blogstress Network is all about, helping each other in any and all ways.  To that end I will also ask you to tell us what you would like to see coming from this amazing new network… Sound Off Sisters!

Thanks again to fellow blogstress Barbara Hammond for this guest post. 

Blogstress or not, head back to Madness here:

The Good Ol’ Inappropriate Days

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

“Being politically correct means always having to say you’re sorry.” ~ Charles Osgood

A Facebook friend of mine recently shared these Pillsbury’s “Funny Face” drink packet photos from the seventies (thanks Kenneth!).  Seeing these loveable images brought me back to a time where we didn’t worry so much about being politically correct.

 Chinese Cherry  & Injun Orange

No offense to the Chinese or the Native Americans – oops! there I go, trying to be PC – but I think these little guys have a certain innocence and charm about them We knew they were a joke, and I happen to like people who can take a joke.

Hey, I’ve been called a “spaghetti-bender” in my day, and some kids in my (Catholic) elementary school called the Italian kids WOPS or guineas – and you know what? Sticks and stones, baby! I’d yell proudly, “NA NA NA NA NA , you’re just  jealous because you’re NOT Italian!”

TOPPS Wacky Packs, a series of trading cards and stickers featuring consumer product parodies, were another fun little treasure we had in the seventies, with slogans like: Fillsbury Fatina, Brandy Land, Swiss Mess, Cram, Slaytex, Scary Jane, Stove Glop, Coffin Mate — the sweet, yet irreverent list goes on and on.

 BrandyLand Wacky Pack    Wacky Packs  

(ITALIAN LESSON:  Inappropriate= non appropriato)

I’d be remiss if I didn’t pay homage to my beloved Garbage Pail Kids, with adorable homely hoodlums like these:

   Garbage Pail Kid Harry    Garbage Pail Kid Amy

We’d rummage through each new pack (purchased with our carefully saved pennies) just to see who would get stuck with the most hideous image. Funny… while these images seem so “wrong” now,  as a society, we’ve certainly more than tipped the rudeness scale (just take a  look around).  To me, it seems like so many have misplaced their funny bone, if not outright lost it.

Lighten the F up, LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW and head back home here:

Kicked out of Portugal

Sunday, January 2nd, 2011

“You know how many times a week I go without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money?” ~ Sixteen Candles

Kicked out of the country!

I still have a spaghetti bowl full of funny stories about my lovable, yet slightly nutty Italian family to share, but my mind is still reeling from losing mom on Thanksgiving, so I’ll write about my own share of crazy today. Side note: Mom used to hate when people would say they “lost” a loved one.  She’d say “you didn’t LOSE them or misplace them – they are dead!”  Mom, I can hear your voice saying that in your usual humorous way!

Yes, I’ve pulled the occasional New Jersey Housewives stunt – I once knocked over an outdoor table at a  DC cafe (they had it coming!) –  and I cornered an obnoxious driver against her car door when I was in my twenties (thankfully YouTube wasn’t around back then).  So I guess you could say I have a little bitty hot temper.  In my carnival-of-a-warped mind, I actually find my spicy little temper kind of amusing, maybe even charming.  Funny, my husband looked over my shoulder to see what I was writing and said it’s simple —  I’m just a bit deranged.  See? Even he thinks it’s charming!

I may not always be 100% in the right, but here’s one time I was, yet I was kicked out of a country!  Here’s what happened:  Hubby and I were enjoying our farewell honeymoon lunch near the Atlantic Ocean in beautiful Albufeira, Portugal.  We were set to drive the coast that afternoon, making our way to Spain through the scenic towns and communities of the Costa del Sol for part dois of our trip.  We only had so many escudos left (this was pre-euro) so we were careful when we ordered from the menu, as to be sure we’d have enough cash for our tab and tip.  

Got Escudos?

Soon after we ordered our panini-style sandwiches and a glass of wine, the waiter arrived with a nice size basket of french fries.  We saw something about fries on the chalkboard (which was in Portuguese) so we assumed they were an accompaniment to the paninis. You can see where this is going, right?  After lunch, our tab (with the fries unexpectedly added) arrived, and it was more escudos than we had, so we told the waiter we did not order the fries – we just figured they came with our lunch. “Not so! It was my mistake, but YOU ate them, so you have to pay for them!”, he demanded.  We yelled back, gave him what was left of our cash, which covered about 80% of the tab, but he was pissed.  Naturally, I cursed him in Italian, and he comically pointed his finger toward the street and told me to get out of “his” Portugal and never return again!

I think hubby and I laughed all the way to Spain!

(ITALIAN LESSON: Get the hell out = andarsene di corsa)

Maledizione (damn!) head to the MADNESS home here: