“If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say…Come Sit Next to Me” – various sources
Mom and I had the pleasure of spending some time together this weekend, and while chatting over our respective glasses of Malbec (me) and a frothy whisky sour (mom), ma Romano shared her views about current hot topics. Luckily for me I had a pen handy, so I was able to jot down her words of wisdom and add them into the Madness archives.
(ITALIAN LESSON: They were gossiping about the family downstairs = Stavano sparlando della famiglia di sotto)
So, here goes:
Sex Tapes – Ma says, “as long as you are looking good, be proud and go for it!.” She also noted her ‘green light’ is for couples sex tapes only, not for freaks involving animals or vegetables.
Fantasia – “You can’t ‘take’ somebody’s husband, unless he wants go.” (“Kidnapping doesn’t count.”)
NJ Politics - Mom’s nickname for the ultra bloated NJ Governor Chris Christie is: “CHRISTIE KREME or “Krispy Kreme”, because he looks like he’s had more than a few of those little morsels.”
Mary Kate Olsen -“She’s a walking advertisement for disaster. She should have a show called ‘What not to buy.'”
Mosquitoes (it is summer after all) – When those little flying f-ers were sucking the blood out of multiple spots on my body, my mom said “they don’t bother me, guess they don’t like old skin — it’s too tough.”
Kate Gosselin – Ma says “I hope her kids turn the cameras on her when she’s old and taking craps in HER diaper. What’s fair is fair.”
Octo Mom – “That little simpleton can’t even get her book sold. Everybody already knows her whole story; her 15 minutes of fame are up.”
Jennifer Aniston – “She’ll be a grandmother’s age soon enough, and the tabloids will still be yapping about her having a baby.”
Jesse James (re: Sandra Bullock) “Just shut up and take the blame. Don’t blame your parents for being a loser.”
Mel Gibson - “I always thought he was crazy, but Oksana knows exactly which buttons to push to unleash Mel’s inner raving maniac.” she added “any husband of mine would not be able to walk out of the house if he was threatening my baby. I’d beat his face in!”
NJ Housewive Teresa Guidice - “She should be on ‘How they do that?'” (Referring to her family trip to Italy and multiple extravagant shopping sprees)“She’s always whining about losing her home and having no money, but she’s always shopping. I want somma that!”
THIS JUST IN: A retro diss courtesy of mom (one of my favs): ROBERT BLAKE (who played BARETTA in the 70s detective drama series) – “he looks like the kind of guys who doesn’t wipe his ass”
I just love mom’s wisdom.
Mom says, watch your p’s and q’s and get home here www.MadnessMomandMe.com