Just so you know, I do plan on skipping around with tidbits of retro madness and recent madness. One: because of my own personal ping- pong ball which enjoys bouncing all over the place inside my head (I gotta have some form of ADD) – and Two: simply to keep readers entertained with real life snippets of insanity. Since this is not the book or the movie (by the way, did I mention there will be a book and a movie?), there is no chronological order, but worry not – when MADNESS hits the big screen, all will be in order for your viewing pleasure (so YOUR head does not develop ping-pong ball syndrome). OK, on with a snippet –
My mother’s mom (my Nan, whom I called “Nanny” my entire childhood) Olga just turned ninety one. Nan is such a sweetheart of a woman – always was. Women in our family live a pretty long life – not that each and every marble is still in tact, but most of them are still rolling around there in nan’s head. My great-grandmother (nan’s mom) lived to be one hundred and two — of course she thought it was the fifties and she was a much younger woman but hey, whatever works for you, especially after a millennium of living.
Nan does have some quirky habits: making her coffee the night before and leaving it in her thermos for fifteen hours, defrosting frozen meat in her sweater drawers and forgetting about it until my cousin smells the rot of decaying animal flesh stinking up her cluttered house, and she has a thing about cooking her banquet TV dinners a day or two ahead. She covers them with Saran wrap and put them in the fridge until ready to microwave again. Earth to dear Nan: frozen meals take just three minutes to nuke — but I digress. My Nan and I share a special birthday bond (I was the “grandgift” from my mom to her mom) as we share the same day of coming into this world. Recently I heard that nan put a few of those little butter packets in her purse and forgot about them – what a hot mess.
Lately, Nan keeps forgetting we share the same June birthday (something we must have talked about for over 40 years) but she’ll never forget to mention her bladder suspension surgery (I’m talking a surgery she had from decades back) at least three times in every conversation we have, and how she’ll sneeze and pee her pants (Jesus Christ, getting older certainly has its share of some really sucky sh!t!)
- Joe Pesci is my third cousin, you gotta F*%#!n’ problem with that?
So, you might be wondering why I have Joe Pesci’s photo here if I’m writing about my grandmother. No, that is NOT my nan. A fun family tidbit is that my nan babysat for Joe Pesci (well-known Italian actor in Goodfellas, Casino, My Cousin Vinnie, etc.) and his sister when we they were little. She tells me that his mom Mary was a cousin of hers, which would make him, Joe Pesci, my third cousin! Pretty cool, huh? I never wrote down all the names years ago or wrote a note to him (Nan wanted me to, but I felt cheesy about it) and unfortunately, she does not quite recall all of the details these days. Hey Joe: if you remember Olga Gabora Robosky changing your diapers, please drop me a line, cuz!
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